Jokes thread

RagnarHairybreeks

Gretschie
Aug 1, 2022
108
Gloucester England
Share more!
Adhoctail, mixing anything handy for a stiff drink when you can’t find brandy and soda.

Disqualifly, swatting an insect.

Weegie board, a Glaswegian teenager without access to a PlayStation.

Country, correct term for Leylandii.

Countryside, chopping down a Leylandii tree.


Mostly they are monologues rather than one liners so not really suitable to post here.
 

RagnarHairybreeks

Gretschie
Aug 1, 2022
108
Gloucester England
Found a couple more short ones;

To the tune of John Brown’s body -

I have seen the glory of a country called Nepal.
It sounds a bit like nipple, but they don’t like that at all.
Use that terminology and they will show you the door.
And you won’t be allowed back no more.

Which is why I have ‘not allowed back in Nepal’ stamped in my passport.


I wear rose tinted retrospectacles. It was all better back in the day.


(slightly misogynisti) The knobless oblige.
 

Emergence

Synchromatic
May 25, 2022
552
New York
I just love the airplane seat cartoon. I travelled a lot when I was working as an engineer and used long flights to catch up on reading. One sure way to get the person next to me to leave me alone was to take out a stack of papers from physics journals. If the title didn’t turn their eyes back, the second page where the equations started sure did. And I never had to stab anyone.
 

wabash slim

I Bleed Orange
Feb 10, 2010
18,237
lafayette in
I just love the airplane seat cartoon. I travelled a lot when I was working as an engineer and used long flights to catch up on reading. One sure way to get the person next to me to leave me alone was to take out a stack of papers from physics journals. If the title didn’t turn their eyes back, the second page where the equations started sure did. And I never had to stab anyone.
A woman on a plane complained to the flight attendant that a young Arabic teen was plotting to do something evil. He was working on his calculus homework. True Story.
 


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