Jokes thread

radd

Friend of Fred
Dec 27, 2017
5,633
Santa Cruz
A true life joke from today's Mpls StarTribune

View attachment 175077

Reminds me of my late father in law. He volunteered in the elections returns office down town LA on election night and came out the next morning and his car was gone. He reported it, insurance paid him for the loss.

Over the next year he kept receiving parking tickets in the mail for that car in the same general area of LA. He was shocked that the thief would keep driving his stolen car around down town.

A year later his car was found right where he parked it that night, covered in a years worth of dirt. It was never stolen, he forgot where he had parked it. His insurance canceled him.

He was a very nice man but a bit dingy
 

drmilktruck

I Bleed Orange
May 17, 2009
18,861
Plymouth, MN
Reminds me of my late father in law. He volunteered in the elections returns office down town LA on election night and came out the next morning and his car was gone. He reported it, insurance paid him for the loss.

Over the next year he kept receiving parking tickets in the mail for that car in the same general area of LA. He was shocked that the thief would keep driving his stolen car around down town.

A year later his car was found right where he parked it that night, covered in a years worth of dirt. It was never stolen, he forgot where he had parked it. His insurance canceled him.

He was a very nice man but a bit dingy

A story from awhile ago where Minnesota Vikings center Mike Morris was mad that someone had stolen his groceries and cellphone from his vehicle.

VIKINGS CENTER TAKES A RIDE ON THE WILD SIDE
 

wabash slim

I Bleed Orange
Feb 10, 2010
16,961
lafayette in
A story from awhile ago where Minnesota Vikings center Mike Morris was mad that someone had stolen his groceries and cellphone from his vehicle.

VIKINGS CENTER TAKES A RIDE ON THE WILD SIDE
The car thing has happened to me twice.
Once, the wife and I were at the mall.
Unlocked the car, got in, moved the seat back, backed out, the realized, "This isn't our car."
Backed into the spot it had been nosed into (which had to confuse the owner, along with the seat moved and mirrors readjusted), got out, locked it back up, and found our car, four spots away. Hard to believe ours wasn't the only rusty POS in the lot.
Second time, at the same mall. went out to my car, hit the open button on the key fob, and got in. Had to reset the seat. Realized it wasn't my car when the owner tapped on the window. My car was in the next row.
Cue Twilight Zone theme.
 

ZackyDog

Friend of Fred
Feb 6, 2015
7,481
In the USA
KUWP4t.png
 

Scamp

Gretschie
Feb 22, 2018
259
SoCal
My dog got into the garage and drank licked some spilled gas from the floor. He ran outside into the yard and ran around and around in circles till he collapsed on the lawn.

He ran out of gas

My Grandmother used to say an Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hang onto a blade of grass and keep himself from falling off the earth
 

MrWookiee

Country Gent
Jun 17, 2020
1,302
SoCal, USA
A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from head to toe. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?" The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothers me." "Then why are you looking at me that way?" "Well, ma'am, I'm looking at you and thinking, 'Where is this lady keeping the money for cab fare?'"
 


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