Falling Apart

Discussion in 'Fred's Barcalounge' started by stevo, Sep 22, 2021.

  1. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    Recently, a good friend called and said that he had been taking inventory of his life and was dealing with some old problems that he had never really come to grips with. Amazingly, I had been doing that exact same thing, myself. Perhaps it’s just a natural process, that we look back at times. I’ve been through some not so pleasant experiences and came through them stronger, but there is always a cost.

    The only advice I can offer is to look carefully at any inner conflict you are experiencing, because if you are in cognitive dissonance, the whole world looks bad.
     
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  2. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    And sad. At times, terrifying. But very appropriate - thanks.
     
  3. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    Always keep in mind that as real as your feelings are, they are not permanent.
     
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  4. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    Don't believe everything you think. You are not (don't have to be) your thoughts. They are just thoughts.

    And here's a good nugget:

    “Challenge (suffering) is necessary for growth.
    What’s NOT necessary for growth is wallowing in the challenge.”
    (and that’s what the ego wants to do)
     
  5. Stefan87

    Stefan87 Country Gent

    May 20, 2019
    Brisbane, Australia
    One of the biggest indicators of depression is 'not wanting to do what you love anymore or as much as you would normally' so what you guys are describing is perfectly normal in not wanting to pick the guitar up, when you think about it that part of it is one of first indicators that people show but don't manage to connect the dots to depression at the time which is fine.

    Yes I have also heard of people using musical instruments to get through hard times and I can say that when I am down I've done the same and it does help, but when my Dad passed away in 2010 I did go through a bad period where I would have ticked a lot of the boxes for clinical depression, mind you it took years to realize that after the fact and wasn't until everything with my wife that made me look back at that time more critically, at that time though most things that I used to enjoy doing just stopped, I had very little interest in doing them, in my mind I still want too but when it came to actually doing something I just didn't.
     
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  6. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    but in the case of grief, you do have to stop and really grieve. IE, need to face it and properly experience it.
     
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  7. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    Absolutely. I was speaking more of worry and anxiety.
     
  8. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    And those are hard loops for me to break right now. There is underlying grief driving them.
     
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  9. Jerzey Bob

    Jerzey Bob Synchromatic

    639
    Apr 3, 2021
    North Jersey
    This may or may not help. Something I say often is, "Carrying regrets is like having a boat anchor chained to your neck." There is usually very little we can do about the past. We have to come to terms w/ it, accept it, & then get up & kick in the next door.
     
  10. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    If you are depressed, you are living in the past.
    If you are anxious, you are living in the future.
    Grief is it's own thing; grief is living in the past and the future. Fear of what you lost, fear of not having it moving forward.

    It takes the exact same amount of time and energy to imagine wonderful things as it does to worry, and the results are incredibly different.
     
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  11. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Yea, regrets are destructive. Can't change what you've done, best to let go. There is often guilt attached to regrets and that requires forgiving ones self. I don't know about anyone else, but the person who is hardest to forgive is self. It takes work.
     
  12. Uncle Daddy

    Uncle Daddy Friend of Fred

    Jan 19, 2012
    Maldon UK
    Medication isn't always suitable for every individual. In my acupuncture clinic I've met no end of folk who describe themselves as super-sensitive to all medicines, who went on to get some real benefit from the acupuncture process. I always recommend that people try to get back in touch with their body, with things like tai chi or yoga if possible, or just regular walking in nature; too much time "in your head" isn't always that helpful.
     
  13. johnny g

    johnny g Country Gent

    Sep 2, 2017
    union, ms
    I loss my wife of over 40 years back in Feb. I know just what you are going thru. It just seems to take time and a lot of support from friends and family. But, hang in there my friend. Having said all of that I miss her every day. She was the love of my life, my right arm. I am trying to take one day at a time and with GOD'S help I hope I make it. I also hope you do to. Not knowing you but if you are a guitar picker you can be all bad. Good Luck Friend.
     
  14. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Either I didn't know this or I've forgotten, but prayers and thoughts in your direction. This is inevitable for all, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
     
  15. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    Some years ago I came up with the expression; “that’s in the unchangeable past”. If something is in the unchangeable past, other than lessons learned, there is little accomplished by even thinking about unpleasant memories. I have become very resistant to allowing my thoughts to go into speculation or allowing my mind to dwell in the past.
     
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  16. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    Yes, that's a valuable skill... it's taken me years to learn (and I'm not done yet).

    If it's out of your hands, it deserves freedom from your mind too.
     
    Stefan87 likes this.
  17. Jerzey Bob

    Jerzey Bob Synchromatic

    639
    Apr 3, 2021
    North Jersey

    Yup & yup. Not bragging, but, I've gotten good at this. It's truly spirit freeing. It's also allowed me to focus on what's important now, like how to drive "Kreepy Karen" over the edge. Now where's that volume knob? :cool:
     
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  18. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Isn't it though!
     
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  19. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    That is a great expression.

    There are big issues in life about which we have no control. There was a movie called Big Fish, about a guy that did all sorts of interesting things with his life. As it turned out, and keep in mind this was fantasy, as a child, he had the opportunity to gain foreknowledge of his death. While his friends ran away, he faced the opportunity and learned that he would die an old man, surrounded by loved ones. This gave him confidence to lead an extraordinary life, because he knew that things would work out well in the end.

    Now that was fantasy, and nothing more, but it reveals something very interesting. Ultimately, we cannot control many things in life. OTOH, there are things we can control. Knowing the boundary between the two is crucial. We live in a world that can be precarious, but we step through life’s minefield one day at a time. If we are confident of the ultimate outcome, it makes things much better.

    I use this in everyday life. When I’m solving a problem, I think about the state of having solved that problem, then, having confidence that I will solve the problem, I set about the process of identifying and solving the problem.
     
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