Falling Apart

Discussion in 'Fred's Barcalounge' started by stevo, Sep 22, 2021.

  1. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    That's really interesting and very helpful. Thanks for sharing.
     
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  2. Back in Black

    Back in Black Country Gent

    Age:
    72
    Jun 22, 2020
    Ontario Canada
    Hey S,

    Wishing you all the best.

    I think one of the first things to consider with any health care professional is to be forth-right and honest...because in the end, the only one you're lying to is yourself.

    Life is tough...My wife is just home two days now from over two months of stroke recovery.

    We're both up all hours, a 24 hour day is definitely not long enough...lots of tears...and we're just starting.

    There is a saying...''I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet...

    We have to make the best with what we have...and follow the road signs marked ''POSITIVE"

    Again...all the very best!

    BIB.
     
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  3. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Dude - I think of you and your wife often. Prayers and thoughts your way.
     
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  4. Back in Black

    Back in Black Country Gent

    Age:
    72
    Jun 22, 2020
    Ontario Canada
    S,

    Thank You!, back at ya!

    BIB.
     
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  5. Craig Encinitas

    Craig Encinitas Electromatic

    76
    May 3, 2021
    Encinitas, Ca
    Sharing some of my experience dealing with mental and addiction issues:

    The older we get, the more tragic events we experience. Things got pretty bad once I passed 40, and my alcoholism was in full swing. While I'm now sober since 2/19/19, life is still happening and there is no liquid-crutch to mask life's struggles. I do get anxious still, but the depression has mainly subsided. Put the pandemic on top of that, my high-risk field of work...and yeah, it's a miracle I have no desire to drink today.

    What we're doing here is not much different than a support group. I was attending A.A. meetings several times a week (in person) until lockdown. Others may not be as fortunate as myself...the ability to recognize they need help. To them, asking for help is admitting that something is wrong with them. But that's the first step...whatever it may be. Grief, drug use, etc.

    "All my troubles are of my own making."

    Tragedy may not be of my doing, but failing to right the ship is my responsibility.
    My damn alcoholic brain looks for a problem when nothing at all is wrong, and damnit, I'm gonna fix it by the end of the day.

    My experience with therapy is that it's very self-focused. A.A. and other support networks are beneficial in that listening to other's issues, and being of service, takes my mind off of myself. Hey, playing guitar and piano calms my psyche...and that's why I'm here.

    stevo , I hope things get better for you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2021
  6. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    In my day, I’ve gone through some rough times. In my case, most of it was inner conflict, which took a while to resolve, but finally I did resolve it, and have done much better ever since.

    External pressures can be a huge factor. Right now, my life is pretty good, but during times of under-employment, or other uncertainties, I know that I have been affected and experienced great anxiety. These are tense times for everyone, so it’s not surprising to hear that problems with anxiety and depression are on the rise.

    If there are sources of inner conflict or cognitive dissonance in you life, they to deal with them, as best you can. The family is a strong unit, so make use of family support, wherever possible. One last thing is to keep in mind that you haven’t always felt this way, and you won’t feel this way forever.

    I’m certain that the current situation is having secondary effects, including mental health challenges.

    Just know that we only limit discussion of COVID 19 because every time the subject comes up, the thread goes off the rails.
     
  7. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    I've never had a panic attack (my wife has, so I'm very familiar), but I used to be a top-of-the-game worrier. And I've had my share of anxiety and depression- I was depressed (like, I should have been seeing a counselor and probably taking meds) for a huge chunk of 2020. It's robbed me of much joy over many years. I am much better now, but it took some work- adjusting the way I think about things. I read many books, on worry, "mindfulness" (living in the present), spirituality, philosophy, Taoism, Stoicism, Christianity... these days, I only worry about things WORTHY of worry. Like my dog being seriously ill (which started 3 weeks ago)... I have been a MESS since then, and not wanting to play. I have always read how alot of people run TO their instrument to "work through" their troubles, or even to use it as therapy. I do that too- but not when the worry/anxiety is BAD. When it's bad, it's almost like I'm paralyzed. For 2 days last week, my wife was out of town, and the only way I made I through the extreme worry was old Star Trek and MASH reruns; anything to occupy my mind with something other than worry. Wife gone, not working those days = PERFECT opportunity to play ALOT. I didn't pick up the guitar once. Not even once.

    Speaking of therapists/medications, I really thought I had pretty much licked it. But this illness with my pup showed me I have not, and likely will never, totally beat it. I told my wife I need "something" for extreme times like these... 99% of the time, I can roll with the punches, but when something big happens, I can go from 60mph to 0mph in the blink of an eye, dangerously close to a depression. I'm going to go talk to someone, but I also want some kind of rX for the days when things overwhelm me. I'm tired of fighting it. I put up a valiant battle, for many years, and have made much progress, but I'm exhausted. Sometimes, I need a little help.

    Hang in there, knowing not only are you not alone, there are WAY more people struggling with this kind of thing than you think.
     
  8. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Thanks for sharing - very similar issues here in that playing isn’t as interesting. You described it perfectly - exhausted. My counselor, in my very first and only session so far, said, “that person inside of you who has coped with things so well over the years is tired. It’s time for him to change.”
     
  9. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Tucson
    Admin Post
    The most grief I ever experienced was the illness and eventual loss of a pet. It was almost 4 years ago, and I wouldn’t want to relive it.

    Drawing the line between internal and external stressors is tricky. There are some things that are beyond our control and, while we can control our responses, we can’t entirely eliminate the effects of such things. All people respond differently to the various stresses life throws our way. I thrive on many forms of stress, but there are limits. When we reach our limit, we feel depression and anxiety. That isn’t a failure, no more than it is a failure when you reach redline on an engine and the rev-limiter kicks in.

    I find that guitar playing is a barometer for my state of mind. When I’m content and relaxed, I tend to be more interested in playing. When I’m overwhelmed, not so much.
     
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  10. ruger9

    ruger9 Country Gent

    Nov 1, 2008
    NJ
    My experience with that was about 5 years ago. And it rocked me more than my father's death (he was 73), and my father-in-laws death (also 73). I guess because we were not able to have children, so our dogs are our family. IDK. I actually DON'T analyze it too much- I love them, they love me, I know I will lose them someday, I don't want that day to come, but we keep adopting pets anyway, because the volume of love is greater than the volume of misery (even tho it might not feel like at the time they pass).

    Me too.
     
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  11. Jerzey Bob

    Jerzey Bob Synchromatic

    652
    Apr 3, 2021
    North Jersey
    IMVHO, that counselor is a quack. That's psycobabble caa caa. If you handled it well before, you can again. Tired, yeah, take some mental time off daily. Just figure out what brought this on, resolve it & move on. Sounds like he/she is selling you for steady weekly visits. I had a recent experience w/ a Dr. like this in another specialty. I was potentially a new patient. All he saw was dollar signs. I've been thru enough Dr.'s to smell a rat when I see/hear one. A good Dr. will get right to the point.
     
  12. Stevo, This is new, but based on old trigger events?

    While it sounds like you have narrowed it down, & a treatment plan for symptoms—a consideration might be medications you have already been taking, amplifying your stress reaction. Might be worth keeping a journal to assess.

    Disclaimer: Not a doc, nor do I play one on TV.
     
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  13. J Bird

    J Bird Gretschie

    Go easy Jerzey, let Stevo see how it goes. We're all a bit too far removed to jump to any conclusions. Casting doubt on anything that may be working isn't really helping, despite your good intentions.
     
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  14. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Nah, it actually fits. One big recent trigger that has propelled a bunch of unresolved (serious) traumas into the present. Gotta get through them all before moving on.
     
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  15. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Insightful question! Yes, new terrifying recent event that triggered it and has caused a bunch of old unresolved stuff to come forward and is all staring me in the face.
     
  16. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Yep, I’ve discovered that barometer as well!
     
  17. Viking Power

    Viking Power Synchromatic

    560
    Jun 11, 2018
    Mountlake Terrace, WA
    I would be very cautious of any advice you receive on this forum or any other. I’ll leave it at that. Best of luck.
     
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  18. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    Thanks mate, it’s all good. I’m sharing it half for the advice which none has been bad and half so others can realize they’re not alone.
     
  19. stevo

    stevo Friend of Fred

    May 1, 2012
    Atlanta
    That's one of the things I checked on as well - made sure from docs they were not a problem. I'm only on blood pressure and asthma meds. Even quit coffee for a while because caffeine might sometimes cause anxiety. But there are some real external stressors for sure. Thanks for checking in - no advice rejected here!
     
  20. Jerzey Bob

    Jerzey Bob Synchromatic

    652
    Apr 3, 2021
    North Jersey

    You are correct.
     
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