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Tired of being band dad

Discussion in 'THE Gretsch Discussion Forum' started by toddr513, Nov 12, 2017.

  1. toddr513

    toddr513 Gretschie

    Dec 30, 2012
    I'm so freaking tired of being band dad....that's all... who else is band dad and is tired of all the BS?
    somebodyelseuk likes this.
  2. LivingMyDream

    LivingMyDream Country Gent

    Yeah it gets old. For my church praise band, they rehearse at my house, I move all the necessary gear to the church and make sure everything is ready on Sunday morning. Rarely does anyone get up early to help me get everything ready. Thursday night was band practice, and I got a text that someone was going to be a 1/2 hr. late, then another that couldn't make it at all due to work (understandable). So I texted that we'd just move back the practice time 1/2 hr. for those that were still coming. I made sure everything was ready, and at the appointed time I was alone in the basement. I texted the guys to see if they were still coming, and it was a no go.

    I ended up frustrated, but played for about 45 min. and then went upstairs . . . still frustrated. Then no one said anything about it today.

    Am I over being band dad? Totally!
  3. loudnlousy

    loudnlousy Friend of Fred

    Oct 18, 2015
    Hildesheim, Germany
    Funny, I am used to always being the youngest band member. The youngest employee, the junior partner...

    Now I am the Yoda. I hate it. I hate everything about growing old an wise.
    All my past decisions seem to be totaly idiotic.
    I would change a l o t if I were only able to do:
    - Never ever marry.
    - Never be an employee. Always stay independend.
    - Never make any debts for nothing and noone.
    - Never sell your first good Flying V or Harley Davidson to comfort your wive`s idiotic whishes.
    - Stay away from cigarettes and alcohol.
    - Stay slim
    - Travel with light luggage.

    Learn from the old fart.
    Wulfgang, Waxhead, j.s.c and 8 others like this.
  4. nickurso

    nickurso Friend of Fred

    Dec 24, 2012
    New Orleans la.
    I understand completely I’m the band leader and part of that job is dealing with the other musicians and their personalities
    Robbie likes this.
  5. Robbie

    Robbie Country Gent

    Jun 17, 2013
    Sarnia Ontario Canada
    Yep, it gets tiring.
  6. Rob Williams

    Rob Williams Country Gent

    Jul 5, 2014
    SE QLD
    I sometimes, well - used to, get annoyed at being the 'go-to' for a lot of things. In my band I set-up all the PA and amps, run the desk, sing, play, try and get bookings and manage the finances. I used to get frustrated, but I've since discovered we all do stuff. One other guys has actually invested a LOT of his personal money into the PA, cables, mics, speakers aand a trailer to carry it around in. He does the set lists and brings a copy for everyone at the gig. He also buys 1st round while we're setting up. Another bloke is GREAT at schmoosing with the punters during breaks and sets. He also brings lights and comedy to the event. The last guy is a very talented pianist, and he's also very good at doing our arrangements, harmonies and keeping us on track/honest during rehearsals. So when you look at it not every person helps with every job, but everyone does what they can where they can. Maybe looking at it differently you might see the same, or you might have to say something.
    dswo, Mudshark, JHall55 and 1 other person like this.
  7. Mr. Lumbergh

    Mr. Lumbergh Country Gent

    May 14, 2013
    Initech, Inc.
    I remember being the only guy with a car that actually worked, who didn't have to frequently pawn their guitar to buy groceries, who made the arrangements, and yeah, it got old. When I stopped being that guy, I was kicked out of the band for not being fully committed. :confused:
    Don't miss that drama...
    benjwri likes this.
  8. Tony65x55

    Tony65x55 Gretschified

    Sep 23, 2011
    The 'Shwa, Ontario, Canada
    Yes, it sure does. There are days I feel like I'm dealing with children.
    Robbie likes this.
  9. DaddyDog

    DaddyDog Country Gent

    Sep 18, 2011
    Mississauga, Canada
    I remind myself we're just doing this for fun. It's recreation. And many other important things will take precedence. Still... booking rehearsal time is like herding cats. And 99% of the time, I'm standing in the room alone, set up, and waiting for the others to roll in over the next hour. I'm sure we could have a new thread on "who has learned the new songs? listened to the new songs?".
  10. Rob Williams

    Rob Williams Country Gent

    Jul 5, 2014
    SE QLD
    Yeah, that would get old....
  11. ronbo

    ronbo Gretschie

    Feb 28, 2012
    Broomfield, Colorado
    Yep, it's like all volunteer-like or two folks do the bulk of the work and planning and the others roll in at the last minute. I just occasionally jam with a few folks these days, but even then it's hard to get folks to look over a new song and work out the changes before we try to play it. Some days I think I'd like to get back to playing out again, but then I remember how much work the logistics was...and there always seemed to be some kind of drama, the hocked instruments and bruised egos and broken vehicles and all the stuff that kept us from really doing what was important - playing some music and having fun. Sounds like it's not all that different as we've gotten older...
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2017
    Wulfgang and somebodyelseuk like this.
  12. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    Dealing with other band members was rarely a problem for me. The real hassle was dealing with wives, girlfriends and low-life hangers-on that attached themselves like leeches.
  13. Les PaltaX

    Les PaltaX Gretschie

    Nov 8, 2017
    I used to be a band dad in pretty much every band I was. It got pretty tiring and luckily in one of those the singer was a good friend of mine who cheered me up and helped me with the duties.
    Then I got into a punk band where the band dad was another guy and I didn't really feel involved. I left the band and the guy constantly felt/feels worn out...
    Today I'm in a Beatle-band where we all do lots of stuff. There is one that does more than the others, but we all put lots of effort so we have an awesome relationship as friends and bandmates.

    Noone should ever be a band dad alone..
    DaddyDog and Robbie like this.
  14. Rob Williams

    Rob Williams Country Gent

    Jul 5, 2014
    SE QLD
    There's a Tshirt right there.....
    PDogga, benjwri, toddr513 and 2 others like this.
  15. Robbie

    Robbie Country Gent

    Jun 17, 2013
    Sarnia Ontario Canada
    I've been fortunate the past few years but before that, with people no longer working with
  16. thunder58

    thunder58 Gretschified

    Dec 23, 2010
    tappan ny
    Wish my kids were in bands and took up an instrument . ( be a great excuse to buy gear too ) ;)
  17. Axis39

    Axis39 Country Gent

    Jun 2, 2008
    Falmouth, Va
    I'm getting ready to take a manager's cut from any new bookings for one band I'm in. I'm the guy everyone relies on for booking, setting up and running the PA, I sing the majority of the songs, and when I'm not available, the band declines to even practice.

    I'm in two other projects that are very different. One is a long time, big time, international music professional. She assigns em work, I do it. But, we're trading on her name and she really does the heavy lifting. The other is another local, small-time thing, but the guy who does most of the organizing is a guy who does music solely for a living as well. He does most of the organizing and I show up with equipment and do my thing. It's kinda nice being a responsible adult, instead of the only one. LOL

    Realistically, the first band I bitched about, they are weekend warriors... One's retired and plays in several bands. One is close to retirement and I'm not sure what his plan is and the other works a day job and has family commitments. I get it. For the most part, all of it is pretty laid back, I mean, it's music! And for the most part, we all have fun doing it. But, sometimes you do get tired of being the head bottle washer!
  18. stiv

    stiv Gretschie

    Sep 12, 2014
    Florence, Italy
    I found out that bands without a leader (you could read it "dad", 'cause most of the time that's what you are) simply don't last. Mainly because if you want to follow a musical direction (not only in what to play but also how to show it up to the outside world, how to relate with the media and the music biz, etc.) and stay focused on it, most of the times too many minds that think what's the right thing to do are more derimental than helpful.
    Said that it's true, sometimes being Dad it gets annoying (especially if the kids have, more or less, the same age as your...).
    But the thing that I really found absolutely tired of regarding the things that it needs to do, it's public relations. In today's music world PR it's just the only thing that matters, like it or not. And being able to do it with proficiency it's the difference from being just a weekend warrior than being a semi-pro musician (that means you have time to do another job but for everything else, your band works as a pro band). Being that man was so tiring and annoying that forced me to quit all my commitments with managers, labels and booking agencies.
    I don't know who said that but today's musicians have to spend 99% of the time on PR if they want to survive. The other 1% is playing.
    This is the thing I hate the most. To spend most of your free time relating with *icks that really don't care about who you are and what you do, instead of spending time on getting better on your instrument, or being creative.
  19. DunedinDragon

    DunedinDragon Gretschie

    Mar 13, 2015
    Dunedin, FL
    I agree it gets tiring sometimes although I do get a lot of help from folks when we're performing. But when I look at the alternative of NOT doing it, it doesn't look very good....and I'm not sure I'd want to be in a group like that. Without someone at the helm insisting on a certain amount of professionalism the band just becomes another garage band slopping it's way through performances. The problem is that only a couple of people in the band care as much about the professionalism as I do, which makes it sometimes disheartening.
    dlew919 and stiv like this.
  20. heinzman

    heinzman Gretschie

    I do love the fact I´m the very youngest in my one man living room band ! ;-)
    loudnlousy, dlew919, Axis39 and 2 others like this.