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Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Fred's Barcalounge' started by audept, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  2. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  3. wabash slim

    wabash slim Friend of Fred

    Age:
    68
    Feb 10, 2010
    lafayette in
    Kangaroos are just Tyrannosaurus deer.
     
  4. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    More dog jokes:
    chat room cat.jpg dog customs.jpg Freshen up.jpg homework.png my spot.jpg time to party.jpg
     
    drmilktruck and LivingMyDream like this.
  5. markeebee

    markeebee Country Gent

    I was on my way to work on the bus the other day, when the bloke sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around and he just sort of stared at me for a while, and then said in a low, menacing voice "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio!".

    Later, at work, I noticed him sitting outside our office, looking in through the window. He saw me, scowled, and mouthed the words "Remember Leonardo Di Caprio!".

    On the way home, walking from the bus stop, he jumped out of some bushes at me and shouted "REMEMBER LEONARDO DI CAPRIO!!!", before running off and jumping over the wall into our back garden.

    I thought bugger this for a lark, and ring the police. The lady asked how they could help, and I said "yeah, I know this sounds a bit weird, but I think there's a bloke stalking me".

    "Ah, that's worrying", she said, "what can you tell me about him?".

    "Well.....he reminds me of Leonardo Di Caprio".
     
  6. dlew919

    dlew919 Gretschie

    388
    Jul 18, 2016
    Sydney, Australia
    A variant I heard.

    A texan goes to Sydney for a visit and as he’s being driven around he starts asking questions.

    As they drive past darling harbour, famous tourist joint he says ‘how long did that take to build’.

    The cabbie says ‘oh I dunno. 8 years?’

    ‘In Texas wed have that up in a month.’

    They drive I get Sydney’s tallest building centrepoint. ‘How long did that take to build?’

    ‘Probably about 6 years’

    ‘In Dallas they did a bigger one in six weeks.’

    They get to the harbour bridge and as they cross the Texan sees the Sydney opera house.

    ‘So how long did that take?’

    ‘Dunno, mate. Wasn’t there this morning.’


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  7. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  8. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    More dogs:
    GrimmJoke.jpg enhanced-buzz-16007-1383259691-30.jpg learning to stay.jpg
     
    LivingMyDream likes this.
  9. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  10. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  11. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  12. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  13. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    Star Wars:
    apple I have.jpg kermit's dad.jpg luke force.gif i am your farmer.jpg star wars joke.jpg
     
    LivingMyDream likes this.
  14. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  15. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia