Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Fred's Barcalounge' started by audept, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    dog_therapy.jpg therapy dog.jpg therapy_dog.gif earl-therapy-dog.jpg
     
    LivingMyDream and drmilktruck like this.
  2. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  3. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  4. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  5. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  6. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  7. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  8. Cassotto

    Cassotto Gretschie

    Age:
    45
    159
    Jun 16, 2019
    Spain
    Sorry, this is going to be long... But it's the first joke in English I ever heard, and so bad you don't know whether to laugh or cry. So here's to my English teacher at school, who told it:

    --

    An Englishman, a Spaniard, a Frenchman and a Chinese end up on a desert island after their ship sinks. The Englishman, who is a very organised man, starts organising.

    - "Well, obviously, we need to make sure we can survive on this island until someone finds us, and the best way is to think carefully what we should do and how we should do it. I think that the best idea will be distributing the chores. We don't know whether there are wild animals on this island, and even though it looks like a desert one, there may even be cannibals, for all we know. So what I'm going to do myself is making weapons with sticks and stones, and I while I'm at it I will also collect wood to make a pyre so we can attract the attention of any ship that may be in the area. You, Spaniard, maybe you can start building some sort of hut so we have a place to sleep and to keep our things, and you'd better provide it with some sort of defence, too. You, Frenchman, will be responsible for our food. You'll go scouting, and I'd like you to pick any vegetable that looks like it can be eaten, and also any egg you may find. Try to find out, too, whether there are animals that we can hunt for their meat once we have the weapons. And, lastly, you, Chinese, will be in charge of the supplies in general, so think carefully of all we may need. Any question? No? Well, then, we'll meet here again tomorrow at noon and we'll check how we're doing, OK?"

    The four men set out to do the chores they had been allotted, and on the day after, at noon, the Englishman, the Spaniard and the Frenchman came back to the same spot. They waited for ten minutes, but since the Chinese was nowhere to be seen, they decided to start without him. As always, the Englishman speaks first.

    - "So here we are. Look, I've learnt very quickly how to make lithic flakes, like those we heard about at school! I never thought Old Skeletal's explanations would be of much use... Anyway, I'm digresssing. I've made six of them that we can use with our hands when we want to cut something or even crack a rabbit's head. I've then made four more, which I've attached with lianas to the end of these long handles made with tree branches, so we can used them as spears. I think this will allow us to hunt any animal we see, as long as it's not as big as an elephant. And, if you look at the top of that hill there, you'll see the wood for the pyre, all ready for when we see a ship in the offing. What about you, Spaniard?"

    - "See, I was lucky to find a cave in the cliff in the east side of the island. There's a narrow pathway from the top, so we'll have to come in and out in single line, but I think that makes it safer, too. And it's high enough so the waves won't reach it even if there's a storm. I've taken lots of moss and leaves there, which will be our beds, and there are some big stones there that will make great tables and chairs. I think that after a couple of days it'll feel like home, sweet home."

    - "Oh, how lovely! What can you tell us, Frenchman?"

    - "Oh là là, would you believe it? There are lots of fruit trees on the island. I've seen apples, pears, plums, custard apples, cherries, grapes, quinces, pineapples, coconuts, peaches, figs, strawberries, watermelons and one type of fruit I'd never seen before, round with bumps and blue with pink spots. It looks delicious, but, er, I'm the youngest one and I don't think I'm worthy of being the first one to taste it, so I'll leave that pleasure to one of you. This should be enough for us to survive until a ship finds us, but I've also found lots of bird nests which I'm sure will provide us with plenty of eggs. I've even seen some rabbits, and what seemed to be a white pig. I'm sure we're not going to starve here!"

    - "Marvellous! It looks like we're going to have a great time here, considering. Anyway, where's the Chinese? He should be here with the supplies. Where is he?"

    - "Chinese! Chinese!"

    Nothing happens.

    - "Chinese! Chinaman! CHINESE!"

    And then, suddenly, the Chinese jumps from behind a bush and shouts:

    - "Supplies!"
     
  9. Cassotto

    Cassotto Gretschie

    Age:
    45
    159
    Jun 16, 2019
    Spain
    And a shorter one (I hope it's not been posted before; I haven't had time to read all 130 pages in this thread).

    [​IMG]
     
  10. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  11. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  12. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  13. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  14. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  15. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
  16. audept

    audept Senior Gretsch-Talker

    Age:
    71
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
IMPORTANT: Treat everyone here with respect, no matter how difficult!
No sex, drug, political, religion or hate discussion permitted here.


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