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Have you ever finally confronted someone who treated you badly for years?

Discussion in 'Fred's Barcalounge' started by ZackyDog, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. Bertotti

    Bertotti Country Gent

    Jul 20, 2017
    South Dakota
    Yes, and it was satisfying.
     
    ZackyDog likes this.
  2. Ricochet

    Ricochet Gretschified

    Nov 13, 2009
    Monkey Island
    Sometimes karma needs a hand, like a car bomb. Oh I did say that did I.
     
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  3. Willie D

    Willie D Gretschie

    392
    Feb 11, 2018
    Seattle, WA
    This. All the way this.

    The problem with confronting some folks is that they are incapable of looking at things objectively and their negative feelings toward you color their judgment. In too many cases the confrontation involves a request that the other person see things differently, and they either can't or stubbornly refuse. Re-evaluating the situation is threatening to them because it might disrupt their internal narrative that they are "the good guy" or "the innocent victim," causing them to feel a tinge of remorse or guilt that they simply can't handle. Confronting them becomes nothing more than a waste of your time and emotional energy - which are better spent on the people and things that make you happy.
     
  4. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Sorry Vista
    Admin Post
    One of my favorite tricks in life is to outlive troublemakers. There was a bad dude in high school that I outlived, and I was only 16 when his hubris and arrogance ended his life in a work accident. Since that time, I've outlived a lot of jerks without having to lift a finger.
     
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  5. Synchro

    Synchro The artist formerly known as: Synchro Staff Member

    Jun 2, 2008
    Sorry Vista
    Admin Post
    Great post, my friend.

    I knew a fellow that would get into dodgy business deals, comforted by the fact that he could always sue if the other parties failed to perform. He lived through a lot of bad experiences, and only once got justice in the courts. I could never get across to him that the best way to win was to avoid deals that could end up in court.
     
    Willie D likes this.
  6. DavidLee

    DavidLee Synchromatic

    716
    Oct 11, 2014
    Des Moines
    I never allowed anything like that to exist for more than a very brief time frame so no there isn't anyone who I allowed to mistreat me for any length of time that I feel the need to confront now. Those folks were removed from my sphere quickly. I have zero tolerance for punks. :)
     
    Aymara, pilgrim, audept and 4 others like this.
  7. Tomm Williams

    Tomm Williams Electromatic

    48
    May 13, 2017
    USA
    I worked in a prison for 25 years, I can ignore stupid behavior pretty effectively.
     
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  8. MKunie

    MKunie Synchromatic

    600
    Feb 8, 2012
    USA
    I saw the person just after buying my 6120 and just before moving across country. No harsh words were exchanged, Now I hear they sit in the room away from family doing drugs (what? I don't know) Probably don't even have their guitar any longer. Karma is real, and you reap what you sow. in so many ways. I overcame suicidal thoughts and actions by myself over what this person done to me. Angry confrontations do not work. Just knowing who you are, and what you are capable of is more than enough.
    I am on my 3rd brand new home, and them? the mother in law, when she died, paid off their house and they lost it! Foreclosed! WOW things have a way of biting them. So, please if the confrontation has a chance of being violent. Don't do it.
     
    Wulfgang likes this.
  9. Wozob

    Wozob Country Gent

    Jul 6, 2014
    The Netherlands
    I still miss her...
    And, I got fired...
     
  10. MKunie

    MKunie Synchromatic

    600
    Feb 8, 2012
    USA
    EXATAMUNDO!
     
  11. dr. love

    dr. love Electromatic

    Age:
    43
    58
    Jun 2, 2008
    Texas
    The closest I've had was a guy who was the ringleader of a group who harassed me a lot in high school. He got in bad car wreck and ended up permanently in a wheelchair. When he finally returned, I ran into him one on one in the hallway. I will always remember him looking up at me like a scared dog who knows he's about to get beat... No words were said, none were needed. We just looked at each other for a moment, and we went our separate ways. The conflict ended that day.
     
  12. Henry

    Henry Gretschified

    Apr 9, 2014
    Petaluma
    I grew up in. A traditional Chinese-American household. Spanking was a regular part of my discipline. It had mostly stopped but one day age 12 or so, my mom and I got in argument and she tried to slap me. I grabbed her hand and told her that next time I would fight back.

    Aside from that, I am terrible at taking **** from others. I'm fact, I've been known to confront people on behalf of strangers if I think the behavior is really bad. Yea, I'm the kind if guy who will pick up the trash someone left behind, tap them on the shoulder and say "sir/ma'am, I think you forgot this, as I'm sure you don't want to litter."

    I hate litterbugs.
     
  13. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    I share your attitude, especially about litterbugs or lazybugs.
     
  14. Gretschtim1

    Gretschtim1 Country Gent

    Dec 4, 2012
    Dundalk, Md
    I had a person who I worked for for many years - doing live sound.She was handicapped -
    So I would go out of my way to make her comfortable while she was doing her show. After a while I noticed that she was taking advantage of me almost as if I was her 24 hr gopher. She didn't do it to just me - she did it to everyone who ever worked for her. I started getting headaches, reflux and it was starting to get to me.
    It got to the point where she took sometimes months to pay me. I hung in there but eventually I would tell her I was booked when she would call. I've always wanted to tell her that she had to stop treating me like I was her slave but she was black & I am white and I decided that it wouldn't go over very well with her so I just let it go. I figured life is too short to let it get to me. If she calls now I just tell her I'm too busy and unable to work with her and that ends it.
     
  15. pilgrim

    pilgrim Country Gent

    Age:
    71
    Jun 15, 2010
    Mississippi
    So are most of the places in Mississippi
     
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  16. pilgrim

    pilgrim Country Gent

    Age:
    71
    Jun 15, 2010
    Mississippi
    You are a fine person. You would never last as a country Baptist Preacher. You must just nod and say I'm sorry you feel that way. LOL
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2018
    audept likes this.
  17. pilgrim

    pilgrim Country Gent

    Age:
    71
    Jun 15, 2010
    Mississippi
    Yes it seems sometimes we must overlook the short comings of the handicapped !
     
  18. pilgrim

    pilgrim Country Gent

    Age:
    71
    Jun 15, 2010
    Mississippi
    My mom did the same thing. I just stared at her, never said a word. She never touched me in anger again.
     
  19. audept

    audept I Bleed Orange

    Age:
    70
    Dec 1, 2010
    Sydney, Australia
    I was blessed with wonderful parents. I have no memory of them hitting or smacking me ever. Their disapproval was enough to bring me into line. My mother in particular was totally supportive of all my life-choices even though some of them must have gone against the grain of her own beliefs. She was the finest human being I have ever known and I was so lucky to have her for 67 years of my life. I still miss her everyday and in my quiet moments I still tell her how much I love her in case she's listening.
     
  20. HypotenusLuvTriangle

    HypotenusLuvTriangle Country Gent

    Oct 27, 2010
    Whittier, Ca
    My dad used to tell me that "You don't remember the people who bullied you, you remember the people that you bullied." And I gotta say... he was totally wrong. I remember EVERYONE that put me thru hell as a kid just as much as those of whom I could have made life easier on. I've dealt with issues stemming from constant bullying to this day, from fear of confrontations to body dysmorphia. Talking to therapists doesn't help jack. Bullying is a vicious cycle that needs to be broken by the teachers and the adults overseeing the kids. They need to be able to read the signs and shut that stuff down. I wish I could go back in time, transfer all my martial art training knowledge to my former self, and allow myself to retaliate to the crap people did to me. But noooooo, I was taught to ignore it and that violence in all forms is wrong. It took me a long time to figure out that violence is sometimes the last or only solution.

    On a lighter note, Dave Attell said it best in a joke, "You ever make fun of someone so much you think you should thank them for all the good times you had? .... I've got midget friend, an albino friend, and another friend who thinks Lord of the Rings is real. Together we call ourselves 'The Unf*ckables'... 'Coming this fall to FOX, THE UNF*CKABLES!'"
     
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